New Outfit, New Outlook

Is it just me, or does anybody else feel like sometimes, simply changing your outfit can give you a whole new outlook on your day?! I was wearing something super blah to class because I was running late (go figure) and I wasn't feeling 100% myself. A tad bit mood swingy if you will. So after a day of discussions and coffee and class, I came home to watch a little Modern Family from last night and get things together for a concert tonight. I decided that I should dress a little cuter since, well, it is Mat Kearney and he is beautiful (not that that matters anyways because he's married, ladies.) but also because I've had moments before when I change something as simple as my shoes and it makes me feel so much better about myself and about the day ahead of me. Maybe that's sadly materialistic, but whatever works, right?

So as I was walking home from the quad, I decided to put on a little Mat and brush up on some lyrics. (Super nerdy, I know, judge me.) I didn't realize until I was practically singing aloud to my iPod just how much some of his lyrics really speak to my heart. Here are a few prime examples:

(From Girl America)

My girl America is just a youth in this world
Her smile is more precious than the sparkle of pearls
And though her age reads she's just a young girl
The age behind her eyes show the pain that she's swirled
Through the hand that's been dealt though it's quiet as kept
The weight that she felt last night when she slept
And as she crept into the dreams of the things of her past
Seems to have grown so fast, way beyond her own class
Though they're right there with her, her brothers and her sisters
A natural born leader even when her peers dis her
My girl, she's at a crossroads, people praying for her
Some are preying on her magazine ads, sex, drama
Smoking marijuana, longer for a father to call her, 'daughter'
She's part of a generation longing for reconciliation
And this future that they're facing and this poison that they're tasting
My girl, I know this love you're chasing

Boys with hungry eyes have been beating her door
Telling her that's what she's for, trying to rob at her core
Then leave calling her a whore, but still she knows there's more
I know she knows there's more because there is a voice she can't ignore
'Cause it was founded in the foundations, from the day of her creation
In God we trust engraved on the treasures of her nation
And the void that the boys can't fill
With the tipping of the bottle or the popping of the pill
But still most of her friends don't care as they glare
Ready to drown down the funnel as they frown down the tunnel
They stumble and they tumble breaking down into rubble
My girl America, stop can't you see
It's not the circumstances that determine who you're gonna be
But how you deal with these problems and pains that come your way
It's for you that I pray with hope for a brighter day
And so I say, your deliverance is coming
 

Faith like a child from your first birth
You left it in the dirt on your worst hurt
And I see each tear and every scar
The hands that have held you where you are
And I can see we've strayed so far
A king born under that morning star
As a crown of thorns was placed to erase
Each tear that's touched your face
And his palms and sides were pierced with spears
He hung in love just to draw you near
My girl, out of this whole world
Can't you see this is where we started?

How beautiful is that?! Really. I love that song so much because it speaks so much of how far I've come in two years. What a beautiful picture of salvation from all the absolute garbage of this world.

Another song I really identify with is called The Middle. I love the lyrics of the first stanza and chorus,

 I meant it all and every part and every word right from the start. I'll never let this love fall in the middle. Cause you know you broke the hardest part, you know you broke the hardest heart. I'll never let this love fall in the middle, through it all. No parachutes or safety nets here. One foot on the water to face these fears. I'm coming out strong like I can't be wrong. I say hey, I don't wanna fall in the middle.

Fantastic. I love that there's a song like this that I can identify with--not wanting to become lukewarm, always striving to keep having that faith to put "one foot on the water to face these fears."

I know this probably wasn't the most original blog post you've ever read in your life, but I hope you got something out of it regardless. :)

As always,
Blessings,
Liz.

Yayayayayayay!!

This is going to be the best birthday EVER!!!

I got somebody to cover my shift at work, meaning I can go with my friends to Naperville to see Jenny and Tyler, which I've been dying to do since, like, the beginning of summer. And if that wasn't enough, the weather is supposed to be perfect, with a high of 60 degrees. (No, I don't think that's too cold. I was made for the fall!) I'm so blessed to be able to spend time with people I love doing something I love in a place I've never been and am so excited to visit. I can't wait to see happy faces of everyone as we adventure through this (dare I say) monumental weekend! Bring it on, 21. You've got some big shoes to fill.

As always,
Blessings,
Liz.

And Then I Kickced That Test's Butt!

Thanks, God, for helping me pull a couple answers from my cerebral cortex and my hippocampus to beast that neuroanatomy test. Yes, that was supposed to be slightly punny**.



**If you didn't get it, the cerebral cortex is the area of the brain responsible for executive functions and higher order thinking and planning, and the hippocampus is responsible for information consolidation and memory storage/retrieval. Now you get it, don't you? :)

Talking with Best Friend > Studying for Brain Anatomy and Physiology

True life:  I have strange priorities.

Well, according to most people anyways.
I decided today to take a break from studying for my first physiological psychology test today to have a little chat with my best friend. Most people would say that's silly, that's a hard class, you should be more focused on it. By investing in this test, which is one of four tests in one class in one semester of one year out of the eight years I'll be in college, I would be missing out on this one conversation, which is one of hundreds, probably thousands, of conversations in one friendship in this one lifetime. Seems like a no brainer right? But here's what I have to say about that. What's more important in the long run, getting an A on this test or building a relationship with a person?

Of course, you've probably guessed that I'm saying the latter. There are always more tests to take to make up for this one, there's always extra credit and office hours to go to in order to help raise my grade, but there will never be another moment exactly like the one I would've missed when talking with Ky. I would rather be the long distance runner in this race of life than finish first in all the short sprints. What's going to be most meaningful in life isn't necessarily the "things" of today like grades on tests, but who we take with us along the way. I'm thankful for having a friend who will distract me every once an awhile from being so short-distance focused.

Hope everyone's having a super Monday!
Liz.

Today

Sometimes, all it takes to turn a bad week around is some good music. Today while getting ready to head to a rather long shift at work, I decided to get dressed and ready to an older playlist I made for my best friend. There were a few songs that made me laugh so hard and just completely brightened my day. If you know us at all, you've probably seen me and Kyla being a little bit ridiculous in public. Usually this involves us dancing around and then laughing really hard and only the two of us understand what's going on so everyone else thinks we're just nuts. Well. One of the songs we dance around to like loons came on. You've probably heard it, unless you've been living under a rock for the past year. Waka Waka by Shakira. The theme song for the World Cup in South Africa. We learned the dance and typically use it during dance parties, which usually is just me and Ky in her room in our pajamas. Let's be real. We are super cool. So when this song came on, instead of worrying about what time it was or what I was going to do for dinner tonight at work, I just smiled, and listened. And laughed.

This is probably a really ridiculous post, but I figured I can't be alone in this. Somebody else out there has had this experience too. When you're having a really really crummy week and then that one little thing happens and everything looks up.

Ok, now I really do have to go to work. So, hope y'all are having a wonderful day!

Blessings,
Liz.

Focus

To get into Northwestern Feinberg School of Medicine I need to finish:

• 1 more semester of biology
• 1 more semester of chemistry
• 2 more semesters of physics
• 2 more semesters of organic chemistry
• Above a 30 on my MCAT.

I got this. Eyes on the prize.

9 Days

My birthday is in 9 days. This is both exciting and nerve-wrecking. Why, you ask? Well. There are a couple of reasons.

1. I'm excited because it's the first year since I was 10 years old that I'll be having a birthday party! A few of my close friends and I are driving up to Naperville next Friday to see one of my favorite bands, Jenny and Tyler, play a show and tickets are only $10. So great. It'll be a great night with a bunch of lovely girls.

2. I'm excited because I'm turning 21. I can just do so many more things now because of my age. Let's be honest, I'm not one to go out and party my life away. It's just not my style. But I can go to some bars now to see shows I wasn't able to see before, I'm allowed to have a glass of wine with a fancy dinner, I get a fancy shmancy new horizontal license and consequently, a new license picture! Hooray!

3. I'm nervous though because, as of now, I'm still scheduled to work that night from 6-10pm. Womp womp. I put up a post it asking, begging, people to please take my shift that night because, well, it's my freakin birthday. Have a heart. You'd think somebody would've stepped up and said, "Hey yeah! I'll take your shift! I wouldn't want to have to work till 10pm on a Friday if it was my birthday." Nope. Nada. Nobody has called me or posted saying that they'll take it. I'm trying to stay optimistic and tell myself somebody will be my good Samaritan and help me out when I'm in need. Is this not the golden rule we all learned in, what, kindergarten? Treat others the way you wish to be treated. If it was them, I'm sure they wouldn't want to work, and heck, if I didn't already have plans made, I'd take it!

So, if you're the praying type, and maybe this is super vain of me, but pray for people to have tender hearts so somebody can help me out here. It's been a long time since I've had a really happy birthday and I'm kinda hoping this could be the year.

Hopefully.

Something's Missing

Forewarning: this is not a happy post. But it's real. If you don't want to read something unhappy, then leave now. And really, if you think life should be all rainbows and smiles then I feel sorry for you and your ignorance.

To be quite frank, it's been a rough day.

One of those days when everywhere you turn you're reminded of something you're trying so hard to forget or move past or get over. And everyone keeps on going on and on and on and you try and try and try to keep up the act, but even the best actors break character every once and awhile.

For those of you who think I'm happy, I'm not sure I can agree with you. I can say that I certainly appear happy. But I'm a good actress. And today I'm breaking character.

It's hard to focus on anything when everything you wish you had is smiting you. When another friend gets engaged and you want to be happy for them, but you just can't be because it reminds you of just how lonely you really are. When your friends are being asked to write bachelor's theses and double majoring and you're struggling to pass all whopping twelve credit hours you're taking this semester. When everyone flaunts their spending ability and you don't know how you're going to pay the next bill and afford to buy groceries. When everyone else gets invited in your group of friends.



But not you.




This, my dear friends, is the story of my life.

It's a daily test of patience and holding my tongue. Sometimes I really want to call everyone out, "YOU'RE NOT BEING VERY CHRISTIAN!"

I think the ultimate theme of recent has been the utter alone-ness if you will I've been accustoming myself to. Exclusion is never fun. It's a lot like rejection. Ok, it is rejection. It seems like I've been facing a lot of rejection lately. From jobs, from boys, from people, from my bank, from my parents. No no no no no. Nothing is quite right. I'm not quite right. Not for them.

I don't know what else to do. Everyone can say, "Oh you're so sweet! We all love you! blah blah blah" but prove it. I'm sick of lies and deception and feeling utterly unworthy of anything wonderful and happy and lovely.

I need real people. I'm done with all the fake. It's all so surface level and fake sweet that it literally makes me nauseous.

You know what I'm missing? Love. Real, true, undeniable, unconditional love. I have found that in my Creator. But I'm not convinced that I can find it here on Earth.

Prove me wrong. Please. I'm begging you.